literature

If you loved me

Deviation Actions

axes4six's avatar
By
Published:
244 Views

Literature Text

Currents, p. 51

I sat there in the sleeping bag with the snow whipping against the tarp, slashing against my shelter, raging against the most firm concept of home I had. The wind screamed anthems of rebellion in my ears, the soothing rhythm of snowfall disrupted by the invisible hand of somebody who wouldn't listen to me. My water lay next to me frozen to the core, and my once wet gloves had hardened against the frost. The rough plastic of the tarp above my head shook angrily in the wind.

After that, I was with my friends in the hallway. I was in a room and people were laughing. I was swimming and nobody was drowning. I sang and nobody told me to shut up. I was honest and everybody was okay with it.

After that, I had super powers. I could turn back time. I could say I'm sorry. At the same time, I could not speak at all. I could only look into their eyes and make mine shimmer in that way I was always told I could. I did. I swear. I swear I stared into them like I didn't know how to do anything else. I stared so hard, I saw the steam from their emotions leave their lips.

After that, she walked away and he just plain old ignored me as I moved my mouth with so much passion it hurt but still couldn't make a sound. I was helpless as a child in the dark. I was paralyzed.

After that, the worst thing of all happened: they started telling the truth. The things I knew but couldn't acknowledge.

"Aaron, you two broke up two years ago. Let go. That was all your fault and you know it."
"Aaron, you're a needy ass motherfucker."
"Aaron, you're bi-sexual. What the hell were you doing staring at his cock that long? Comparing sizes? Checking for testicular cancer?"
"Aaron, you always find the perfect way to say what doesn't matter and make it sound like it does."
"Aaron, if you had a million dollars, you'd see how quickly you could smoke yourself to death. You'd buy 1000 cuban ones and make yourself a missile crisis."
"Aaron, you shouldn't have taken those pills that night."
"Aaron, you were wrong; beating a bitch's head into a brick wall is never okay."  
"Aaron, in a few months, you won't remember any of this."
"Aaron, you never control the course of where life takes you. Your parents always feel like they have to. In fact, you shouldn't even try. Just accept."
"Aaron, none of the people you wronged take you seriously enough to feel wronged. Your apologies don't mean shit."
"Aaron, stop running. You're a hamster on a wheel; you're not going anywhere."
"Aaron, the only reason why you can't talk to your brother is because he reminds you of yourself."
"Aaron, your father is a good man."
"Aaron, you're addicted to your own rage."
"Aaron, you'd rather die than admit you feel dead inside."
"Aaron, the world isn't working against you; you're not a revolutionary and this isn't a war."
"Aaron, you're going to die someday and you never learned to appreciate life."
"Aaron, other kids end up out here for drugs, but maybe you would have been more chill if you'd taken some."
"Aaron, if everything was said and done, you would have said more than you have done."
"Aaron, you shouldn't be more concerned with doing the right thing than doing things right because your morality won't do you any good out  here."
"Aaron, take off the damn armor before you die of dehydration."
"Aaron, if you could offer a small child advice, you'd advise them to lie. In fact, you've already taught your brothers to."
"Aaron, shouldn't you be happy? All your greatest fears are happening right fucking now. What's left to fear? Shouldn't you have less fear?"
"Aaron, speaking further on that note, you're just afraid you'll never make it out of here. You won't make it on the outside anymore. You don't realize it yet, but the fear brews within your being like booze."
"Aaron, you know you would instantly throw your friends under the bus to save your ass. You're just like the other boys. You belong out here, freak. You're just as heartless, cold, mean, desperate, helpless, insane, disturbed, hurt, drunk, high, needy, thieving, plotting, terrible, insensitive, dumb, incompetent, scared and scarred, lost, hopeless, purposeless….. You don't even know what it means to be a man."

"Aaron. You. will. never. find. love. Nobody. Can. Fucking. Stand. Your. Shit. Your. Parents. Abandoned. You. And. Dumped. You. In. The. Middle. Of. The. Wilderness. In. The. Dead. Of. Winter. You. Will. Die. Alone. Nobody likes you. Everyone left you. They're all out without you having fun."

After that, I woke up. The blizzard greeted my eyes, and made icicles glimmer from my pupils as I began to sob. But, of course, there was nobody there to hear me. I was trapped.  

Aaron "Wolffy" Wolff
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In